Martha Watkins marched her 50 year old, 5 foot 2 inch, 135 pound frame toward the concierge’s desk at the Kauai Beach Marriott. Her short fluffy brown hair bounced with each step. Trimmed brown eyebrows arched cleanly over her mahogany brown eyes, no eye shadow between. High well scrubbed cheeks held up the eyes and centered the mouth with hints of frown lines. Only the barest shimmer of lip gloss covered her thin pink lips.

At the desk she mustered a full measure of courage and announced, “I would like to go ziplining tomorrow.”

Greg Nakamora looked up at his second customer of the day and said, “And I would like to help you.”

It only took Greg two minutes and one phone call to arrange the ziplining trip for the next morning. Martha walked back into the Marriott lobby with a Kauai Backcountry Adventures brochure in hand; she felt relieved to be committed and stopped to study the large outrigger canoe hanging in the center of the lobby.

The smooth polished canoe was beautiful, she admired the workmanship. “Adventurous men took these out into the ocean. Amazing,” she thought. She wandered toward the Aupaka Terrace Grill and let images of muscular bare-chested young men paddling the canoe over the ocean waves play through her mind. She noticed the brochure in her hand and thought, “And now an adventurous widow is going ziplining. Amazing.”

Deep in her psyche, way down among the halls of her subconscious, Martha felt a door open and a stir. She knew the feeling, her alter-ego, her other self, had something to say. Martha was familiar with her other self, she had even given her a name, Mtwo. Mtwo frequently offered unsolicited advice. Mtwo just inserted thoughts into Martha’s head from seemingly nowhere; it was hard to ignore.

Mtwo: “You see a long slender boat and visions of bare-chested men dance through your head – What would Bill think? – I warned you that you are not ready for this trip – The shrink warned you too.”

Martha: “Mtwo, the doctor said I should do fine – Let’s see what happens.” She put a little swagger into her step and smiled for the rest of the brief walk.

At Aupaka Terrace Grill Martha got a large coffee and took one of the small tables overlooking the pool, beach, and Kalapaki Bay. She sat with the intention of enjoying the view and letting her fancy find an interest to occupy the rest of her day. Ziplining was the only planned activity; the rest of the vacation was to be about exploring, about letting her fancy have its way. “This is fantastic. Nobody knows me here; nobody has any expectations of me. For the next week I can do whatever strikes me. I can live the dream,” she thought. She smiled at the blue water sparkling through the palm trees and idly turned control over to her fancy.

Her fancy quickly settled onto a man seated at the next table. He was maybe sixty, with plenty of neatly trimmed brown and gray hair, and a face used to the indoors, but worry lines showed. His thin body was not athletic, but it carried his clothes well; the clothes looked new, white golf shirt, black linen shorts, black ankle socks, and walking shoes. He ignored the coffee, cell phone, and a brochure on his table and smiled out at the bay. It was a peaceful smile, Martha enjoyed watching it.

Mtwo: “What are you doing? – Quit ogling that man – He’s going to notice and think that you are easy, or maybe desperate – You don’t know him – Why are you looking?”

Martha: “Because he’s dressed nice – Sort of handsome – He takes pride in his appearance – We don’t see a lot of that back home.”

Mtwo: “Bill dressed nice – You’ve seen it before – You probably noticed that there is no wedding ring on his left hand – Or would that even matter to you anymore”

Martha: “Shut-up Mtwo – I’m not searching for romance – I’m looking because I can – I took this trip because I was going crazy rattling around the house alone – The other women let demons like you scare them out of coming, but I stuck by my decision – I’m here and I’m going to enjoy it.”

Mtwo: “So now I’m a demon and you are a brave adventurous widow – pure romance novel fantasy – I hope Bill isn’t watching – And what do you mean .. going .. crazy? – You don’t even remember buying your ticket.”

Martha gave no mental reply, she just looked. She saw his smile replaced with aggravation when his cell phone rang. He looked at the number on the phone, shook his head, let out a sigh, and finally picked it up.

“Hello, this is Richard,” he said.

Mtwo: “He looks like a Richard.”

Martha: “Shut up, Mtwo, shut up.” She watched him roll his eyes as he listened to the phone.

“Cynthia, stop, please,” he said into the phone, then added, “Take a message for Frank. Write this down. Ready? You are being paid quite well. So make a decision and live with the consequences. It is your job. Just read that to Frank. If he protests read it to him again.”

Mtwo: “He’s talking to Cynthia – Who is she? – His secretary? – Or maybe more? – You don’t know this man – You will regret this – Get up and walk away.”

Martha ignored Mtwo and watched him listen to the phone some more.

“No, he can’t call me tomorrow morning, I’m going to be ziplining,” he said loudly into the phone. Then more softly he added, “It’s okay Cynthia, you’re doing good, just tell Frank, and don’t get involved. If I can get one, I’ll send you a picture.”

Mtwo: “Ziplining – Don’t even think about it – Keep your hormones in check – Why would he want to send Cynthia a picture? – Go back to your room before you embarrass Bill”

Martha: “Just shut up, Mtwo.” But for the first time she noticed the Kauai Backcountry Adventures brochure lying on Richard’s table, her eyes widened.

He disconnected the call and noticed Martha looking at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so loud,” he said.

“That’s okay. Problem at work?” Martha asked.

“Everyone wants an executive title, but few realize that an executive’s job is to make decisions.”

“Sounds like you are an executive.”

“Richard James, owner and CEO, trying to be just owner. It’s a plumbing supply business,” Richard said and held out his hand.

“Martha Watkins,” Martha said and shook his hand. Then she asked, “Are you training someone? It didn’t seem like you cared much what he decided.”

Richard smiled at her, it was an approving smile. “Yeah. Frank is a smart guy; he will make a good decision. But it doesn’t matter much as long as he makes it soon. Some decisions are better than others, but any decision is better than no decision. Once a decision is made you have a direction and can work on making it the right one.”

Martha wanted to see the smile again. “So you’re here on vacation?”

“Yeah, first one in twenty years; it feels good.” He smiled again, looked out over the bay, and nodded his head in agreement with himself.

“Twenty years. That’s a long time,” Martha commented.

“Yeah, but it’s my own fault. I completely focused on my business and providing for my family. Time just got away from me,” Richard said.

Mtwo: “Family – That means wife – Where is she? – Or have you slid so low that a little thing like a wife doesn’t bother you anymore?”

Martha: “Shut up, Mtwo.”

“Well you and your family are here now. This seems like a wonderful place. I’m sure you all will have a great time,” Martha said to Richard.

Richard again got that peaceful smile on his face and looked out toward the mountain.

Mtwo: “Good – You’ve got him thinking about his family – Even if you are not – Now maybe he will say thank you and walk away.”

Martha: “Just shut up.”

“I’m here anyway,” Richard said as his attention returned to Martha, “The kids are grown and have their own lives now. And my wife, well, she has her own life now too. We divorced last year.”

Mtwo: “There must be a good reason his wife left him – think about that – Get away from him – This is dangerous.”

Martha: “We’re just talking, Mtwo – Shut up.”

“I’m sorry,” Martha said to Richard.

“My fault entirely. She found the attention that I was too busy to give. She seems happy. Now I’m working on me. I’ve been here five days and go home day after tomorrow, it’s been good,” Richard said and then asked, “And you, are you here on vacation?”

“Yeah, my first in five years since my husband Bill died. I read an article about Kauai and decided to see if the reality matched the hype,” Martha said.

Mtwo: “Great – You finally mentioned Bill’s name – Maybe that will pull you back to your senses.”

“Has it?” Richard asked.

Richard’s question startled Martha. Had he actually heard Mtwo’s comment? She decided not and concluded that he was asking about Kauai’s reality matching the hype.

“It hasn’t had much of a chance yet,” Martha said, “I just got here late yesterday afternoon. Last night I went to Duke’s, great place, lively atmosphere, and fantastic views of the ocean, bay, and mountains. They have a good salad bar, but I wasn’t really hungry and just picked at the food. However, this morning I arranged to go ziplining tomorrow.” Martha held up her Kauai Backcountry Adventures brochure.

Richard held up his brochure and smiled. “What time is your trip?”

“Nine o’clock.”

“Mine too. Now I have something else to look forward to.” He looked at the table for an instant, and asked, “Would you like to go down to Kukui’s restaurant and have breakfast with me?”

Mtwo: “Say no – Think about Bill – You’d be having breakfast with Bill if you had driven him to the hospital – But no, you decided to wait for the ambulance – Bad decision.”

Martha: “Stop saying that, Mtwo – The cardiologist said I did the right thing – Nothing could have saved Bill.”

Mtwo: “He was just covering for your blunder – Now you’re making another bad decision – You’ll probably lapse again.”

Martha: “Shut up, Mtwo – I’m not going to lapse – This isn’t a big decision –We’re having breakfast, that’s all.”

Mtwo: “Shameful – Breakfast with another man – At least pay for your own – Don’t let this man buy you for the price of a breakfast.”

“We could do that. Breakfast sounds nice. But I am paying for my own,” Martha said.

“Then let’s go,” Richard said. He stood and held his hand out in the direction of the restaurant.

They spent two hours in Kukui’s. Both had the breakfast buffet and they slowly “grazed” as Martha called it; but talk, not eating, filled the time. Richard told Martha about life in Pittsburg, the plumbing business, and going to Steelers football games. Martha talked about life in St. Louis, volunteering at the library, and going to Rams football games. Martha found Richard both interesting and interested. The conversation flowed easily, and she began to wonder how this meal would end; she didn’t want it to but knew that sooner or later it had to end.

Richard’s cell phone rang, he didn’t answer it but he glanced at the caller ID. Martha watched him close his eyes, let out a noticeable sigh, and shake his head from side to side; clearly he did not want to answer the call. The phone stopped ringing and the call rolled over to voice mail.

“I’m sorry, I should have turned this thing off,” Richard said and picked up the phone. Before he could turn it off it started ringing again, automatically he answered, “Hello this is Richard.” Habit and efficiency had trapped him. He slumped in defeat, and listened for a few seconds.

“Frank, hold on for a minute, just hold on,” Richard said firmly into the phone. Then he turned to Martha and said, “I’m sorry Martha. I’m going to have to handle this or they are never going to leave me alone. I have a rental car. Would you like a ride to the ziplining place in the morning?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Martha said before Mtwo had a chance to butt in.

“Great, can we meet by the big canoe in the lobby at eight o’clock?”

“Okay, eight o’clock.”

“I promise, this will not happen again. I’ll see you then,” Richard said and walked away with the phone to his ear.

Martha heard him say, “God damned it Frank,” before he got out of hearing.

Mtwo: “Did you catch that? – He didn’t cover the phone or put the call on hold – Frank could hear what you two said – He wanted Frank to know he was with a woman – This man is devious.”

Martha: “Yes – I wonder if he has a demon as aggravating as you inside his head? – Don’t bother to answer that – I think I’ll go lingerie shopping now – I don’t feel like wearing these granny panties and old-maid form bras any more.”

Mtwo: “You slut – You accepted the car ride without a second’s hesitation – You’re buying new underwear for him – What offer will you accept tomorrow? – Seems like you have made your decision – Bill would be ashamed of you.”

Martha: “I haven’t made any decisions – I deserve new underwear – It’s not like Richard is going to see it – Richard is a nice guy – He hasn’t done anything inappropriate – I enjoy talking with him – Bill would want me to enjoy myself – I haven’t done anything wrong – Who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong anyway? – I’ve done nothing to be ashamed of.”

Mtwo: “Keep telling yourself that – Jezebel.”

Martha spent the day shopping in and around the hotel, there were plenty of shops. She not only bought two sets of blue underwear but a pair of khaki shorts and a matching khaki shirt.

During her shower the next morning Martha noticed an unsetting sensation in her abdomen. She felt around her stomach with her hands, no pain, just an uneasiness deep inside. “Please don’t let me be getting sick now,” she whispered to the walls.

Mtwo: “Serves you right – Going on a date – You’re getting what you deserve.”

Martha frowned and worried for a moment. Then she smiled and said aloud, “Hello Butterflies.”

She put on her new outfit, added her walking shoes, and then admired the effect in the mirror. She liked it.

Mtwo: “Jezebel – You didn’t dress like that while Bill was alive – What are you doing? – You are .. or were .. a respectable woman.”

Martha continued looking in the mirror and viewed the outfit from all angles before she mentally replied, “Oh Mtwo, you are as grumpy as ever, but you are not going to get to me today – This outfit is respectable, not even a peek of the underwear shows – It’s got a safari feel to it – Okay maybe a sexy safari feel.”

Martha smiled the entire time she walked to the lobby. Richard was waiting near the canoe, and then he smiled.

“Wow, you look great,” Richard said. Immediately he closed his eyes, reddened with embarrassment, and added, “I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right. I didn’t mean to sound surprised. Of course you look great. I like the way you look, even if I’m not very good at expressing it.”

Martha held back a chuckle at his embarrassment and said, “You did fine Richard. Thank you.” She noticed the new dark green cargo shorts and muted aloha shirt Richard wore, she remembered them from one of the shops. She had liked the outfit on the mannequin; she thought it looked even better on Richard. “Wow, you look great too,” she added.

“Thank you. I guess we had better get going. They want us there 45 minutes early so we can get geared up. The car is out front.”

“Okay.”

They began to walk side by side. Martha saw Greg Nakamora, the concierge, watching; he smiled and gave her a thumbs up gesture.

At the long escalator that connected the lobby level with the portico Richard stood aside and let Martha go first.

Mtwo: “He just wants to look at your butt and fantasize – Don’t trust this man.”

Martha: “He’s just being a gentleman. Shut-up, Mtwo.”

The fifteen minute drive to the Kauai Backcountry Adventures Office took them through the town of Lihue; it was a dip back in time. Along Rice Street they passed modern car dealerships and a new Ace hardware; then the buildings got older, still well maintained but sixties style. At the state office building they turned right onto Kumumululi Highway and the buildings got even older; fifties, forties, and thirties. The buildings were old but the businesses were not. Local restaurants, organic seed stores, and pet groomers occupied the former produce stalls of the old market square. The old movie theatre had somehow turned into an assisted living facility. The oddly named No. 1 Restaurant reused a building with a boxy red roof.

“That roof looks familiar, but can’t think of what it was originally,” Martha said.

“I know what you mean, I can’t remember either,” Richard replied.

Mtwo: “Bill would know.”

Martha ignored Mtwo and watched the surrounding return to modern as they drove out the other side of town; Wal-Mart and Wilcox Hospital. The highway wound a path down into the Hanamaulu Stream valley and crossed a bridge before it climbed out of the valley and led past the Kauai Backcountry Adventures building.

Large black lettering on the yellow walls of a square industrial metal building announced the home of Kauai Backcountry Adventures.

Mtwo: “Gaudy.”

Martha: “Yeah – It does stand out – but I see what they are going for, backcountry – It works.”

Inside, the building contained a replica of a back country town, rough wood building with corrugated tin roofs lined the walls; on the right side these building contained the ziplining gear, tubing gear was on the left. The staff quickly put the heavy duty harnesses on Martha and Richard and fitted their helmets. They joined the ten other people on the tour and they all loaded into a six wheel truck. The fifteen minute ride across farmland and pastures ended at the top of a deep gorge near the base of Mount Waialiali.

The gorge terrified Martha; grasses, ferns, and saplings sprouted from the steep rocky sides. A full 300 feet below a river splashed among jagged rocks on the bottom. Silver wires stretched across the void at odd angles, the ziplines. The scene was beautiful, but the prospect was not; she took a deep breath and fought for courage.

Mtwo: “Are you out of your mind? – Have you gone completely crazy? – This is insane – Bill wouldn’t do this – You are not really going to do this are you?”

Martha didn’t immediately reply to Mtwo, she looked over at Richard. He stared into the gorge, she couldn’t guess what he was thinking, but fear was obvious on his face. He turned and looked at her, that peaceful smile returned to his face and he held out his hand. She took his hand in hers and together they walked to the first line.

Martha finally mentally answered Mtwo, “You’re damned right I am.”

Richard went across the line first, Martha held her breath the whole way. He looked stiff, he just held on to the harness; but he made it safely across. Then it was Martha’s turn.

“Just look at the wire and you will do fine,” the starter said when she noticed Martha’s fear.

Mtwo: “And don’t pee in your new panties.”

Martha nodded a reply to both and took a deep breath.

“Ready? Here you go,” the starter said and gave her a gentle push.

Martha’s buttocks settled comfortably into the harness straps, the thick wire made a soothing hissing sound in the pulleys; she kept her eyes on the wire. “This isn’t bad,” she thought. She stole a glance to the side, ferns and bushes moved briskly past, they were interesting and pretty, but not frightening. “Not bad at all,” she thought. Then she looked down, absolutely nothing separated her from the distant rocks and river below. Adrenaline flooded over Mtwo and any thoughts in Martha’s mind. She screamed, took a deep breath, and screamed again. But the wire didn’t break, the harness held, and the rocks remained distant. Her confidence grew and the screams of terror inched toward squeals of joy. Only adrenaline powered excitement remained when the catcher stopped her at the end of the wire.

Without thought or plan Martha ran up the ramp, wrapped her arms around Richard’s neck and held on. “Oh My God, Oh My God,” she mumbled over and over and tried to remember to breathe.

Richard wrapped his arms snugly around her waist but said nothing.

Gradually Martha got control of her breathing and stopped mumbling. But she continued to rest her head on Richard’s chest while she waited for her heart to stop pounding and her knees to stop wobbling.

Mtwo: “What are you doing?”

Martha: “I don’t know.”

Mtwo: “Well stop it – You’re going to lapse – My God woman, your first trip without Bill and you’re hugging other men already – The shame.”

“Are you alright, Martha?” Richard asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Martha replied with her head still pressed against his chest. Immediately she felt awkward and pushed back.

Richard released her but kept looking at her face.

“Really, I’m okay,” Martha said.

The smile returned to Richard’s face and he asked, “Well, what did you think of it?”

“Oh my God, it was so exciting. I want more,” Martha said. She took his hand and led him toward the next line.

There were eight more lines. Martha got the same adrenaline rush on each one, and there were eight more hugs. Mtwo was quiet the whole time.

During the last hug Richard said, “That was exciting, but could we do something less intense now?”

“Like what?” Martha asked.

“Dinner tonight?”

“Okay, we could do that.”

Mtwo: “No, no, no – Are you simply crazy? – Are you becoming a whore? – Think about Bill.”

Everyone started loading back into the truck, but Richard walked over to the edge of the gorge and pulled out his cell phone. The starter went over and took his picture using it. Richard spent a minute pushing buttons on the phone then ran back to the truck.

Mtwo: “Cynthia – Do you remember her? – Don’t trust this man – He’s not like Bill – He’s no good.”

Martha didn’t reply to Mtwo, nor did she say anything to Richard about it.

Richard stopped in the Marriott lobby and had the concierge make a 7 o’clock dinner reservation at Café Portafino for them. Greg looked over at Martha and smiled, he seemed genuinely happy.

Martha lay across her bed; with the adrenaline rush fading, she fell asleep. She dreamed of ziplining. The dreamscape line was a long one and for some reason Bill was the starter. He smiled and said, “It’s alright. Don’t be afraid,” and pushed her onto the wire. The pulley’s hissing over the wire was soothing. She watched the rocks below without fear. Near the end she looked up at the catcher – it was Richard. She woke confused by the dream but feeling peaceful.

Mtwo: “That was a stupid dream – And this date tonight is a stupid idea – Think about Bill.”

Martha ignored Mtwo and began to get ready for dinner.

Dressed only in the new pushup bra and bikini panties she did a mental evaluation in the mirror. “Okay, starting from the top – The hair looks great – The face couldn’t pass for a 25 year old, but it’s okay – The boobs, oh yeah, with that bra’s help they could pass for 25 – The stomach is a few inches too big, but so are most 25 year old’s – The hips, they’re way too big – Just cover them with something – But with what? – The black cocktail dress, it’s a bit short but the hem flairs and the hips won’t be so noticeable – Then the spike heels, they make the legs look longer, and longer legs are thinner legs – How’s that, Mtwo?”

Mtwo: “You will look just like the shameless half witted whore you are.”

Martha ignored Mtwo and put on the outfit she had imagined, and then carefully examined the effect in the mirror. She liked the way the hem bounced and swayed with her hip movement. She smiled and felt playful. She mentally asked, “Mtwo – Does this dress make my butt look big?”

Mtwo: “Of course it does, your butt is big – You’re not 25 anymore – Don’t make a bigger fool of yourself – Think of Bill – Don’t go.”

Martha: “I’m going, Mtwo.”

Mtwo: “And after dinner?”

Martha: “What about after dinner? – – – Oh.”

Mtwo: “That’s right – You two shared an adventure this morning – Lots of adrenaline – Lots of laughs – Lots of hugs – Dinner tonight – A couple of drinks – He will get ideas.”

Martha: “Don’t be ridiculous – It’s not like that.”

Mtwo: “Really? – What was it like when your arms were around his shoulders? – When you head was lying against his chest? – When his arms were around your waist? – You didn’t mind clinging to him – And he didn’t seem to mind you pressed against him – He will want more – You will regret this.”

Martha: “That was all just the adrenaline – I’m not looking for romance.”

Mtwo: “No? – Look at that shameful outfit you’re wearing – Looks like romance has found you – I just hope Bill isn’t watching.”

Martha: “It’s just dinner – Richard is not like that – besides he has Cynthia.”

Mtwo: “Yes, Cynthia – For some reason she is not here – And he has never mentioned her to you – You should think about that real hard – Think before you disgrace yourself even more.”

Martha: “Nothing is going to happen – We’re just having dinner together.”

Martha’s walk to Café Portafino took her through Aupaka Terrace, through the lobby, and past the beautiful interior garden at the Marriott. She paused beside the Koi Pond and hundreds of bright orange and white fish swam toward her. She looked up from the pond, on the winding paths beneath the palms couples strolled hand in hand among the flowerbeds

Mtwo: “It’s not too late – Just turn around – Go back to your room – It’s what Bill would want.”

Martha walked on without answering.

At the restaurant entrance a handsome man with a huge smile greeted Martha with a huge smile. “Good evening Mrs. Watkins, I am Giuseppe and I’m so glad you could join us.”

“You know my name?” Martha asked in amazement.

“Of course. What type of man would I be if I didn’t know the name of such a beautiful lady? Mr. James is waiting for you at the bar, allow me to escort you.” Martha placed her hand on his offered arm and they walked through the outside dining area into the interior bar.

Richard saw them coming and stood.

Martha stopped and admired him. His hair freshly trimmed, he wore a dark gray two piece business suit, pressed white shirt, gray tie, and clean black shoes.

“Is anything wrong?” Giuseppe asked.

“Oh no, absolutely nothing is wrong,” Martha answered.

“Then I will get your table ready,” Giuseppe said and left her to take the last few steps alone.

“You brought a suit,” Martha said to Richard, “It looks good on you.”

Richard smiled at her and said, “And you brought that dress. You make it look great.”

“Oh Richard, you’re just flattering me,” Martha replied.

Mtwo: “Damned right he’s just flattering you – You’re an overdressed old woman – He only wants one thing – Think of Bill – Don’t be swayed by smooth words.”

Martha: “Shut up, Mtwo – I like it.”

Giuseppe returned and said, “Right this way, you table is waiting.” He led them through the outdoor dining area to a table by the railing.

Martha enjoyed the walk. The more casually dressed diners stole glances at them and smiled. She smiled back.

Mtwo: “Everyone is gawking at you – Run – Go back to your room – Go back to Bill.”

Martha ignored Mtwo.

From their chairs Mount Haupu blocked the setting sun, but it still shone brightly on a puffy cloud over the bay. The cloud glowed brilliant pink.

“It looks like it’s got a fire inside,” Martha commented. Then her gaze shifted to the bay and mountains bathed in the rose colored light from the cloud. “Whoa, this is beautiful,” she added.

“Yes, it certainly is,” Richard said.

Martha looked and saw Richard smiling at her. She hoped the rose light covered the reddening of her face.

Mtwo: “Don’t fall for it – Think about Bill – Remember Bill – Bill – Bill.”

Martha ignored Mtwo’s rant.

Dinner was easy and long – it took two hours. They had cocktails and talked about the upcoming football season. Both had the spinach salad and talked about a best selling book they had both read. Richard had the Osso Bucca, Martha the Mahimahi; and they talked about the press treatment of the first lady. For dessert Richard had profiteroles and coffee, Martha just coffee; and they talked about Italian restaurants in St. Louis and Cincinnati. The evening just flowed effortlessly. Then Richard signaled to the waitress.

“What can I do to make your evening better?” she asked.

“Will you take our picture?” Richard asked and held out his cell phone.

Martha put on her best smile and the waitress obliged. Richard took the phone back and spent a few seconds pressing buttons.

“Who are you sending the picture to?” Martha asked before he finished.

“Cynthia, my secretary,” Richard replied and smiled at Martha.

Mtwo: “I warned you – Now the truth will come out – You’ll be crushed – You’ll fall apart again – I just hope Bill can forgive you and take you back.”

Martha’s eyebrows went up.

“Cynthia is also my niece,” Richard explained, “I guess that did sound bad.”

“No, not at all. I was just curious,” Martha replied.

Richard looked down at his napkin, built up some courage, and said, “Martha, next month I’m taking a week long vacation to New Orleans. Will you come with me?”

Mtwo: “No, no, no – Just tell him no – Slap him – You are a married woman – Think of Bill – Say no.”

“That’s a big step, Richard. I’ll have to think about that one. Let me sleep on it.” Martha said. She could feel anxiety’s cold grip begin to seize her mind.

Mtwo: “Sleep on it, my ass – You tell him no right now, you despicable slut.”

“Okay, I didn’t mean to shock you,” Richard said, “I would really like you to come with me. But I understand, I can wait until the morning. My flight is at 10:00, I have to leave for the airport by 8:15. Can we meet for coffee in Aupaka Terrace at 7:30?”

“That’ll be fine,” Martha said.

But Martha wasn’t fine, she felt disoriented, confused, and anxious. Quickly she instructed herself, “Breathe – Just Breathe – It will pass – Just breathe.”

Mtwo: “Now look what you’ve done – You’re going to embarrass Bill by fainting right here in the restaurant.”

Martha concentrated on breathing, just taking regular even breaths, breathe, breathe. Then Richard gently pulled her hand to his face and kissed it. His actions broke her concentration but her breathing became automatic again. “I’m back, and I didn’t faint,” Martha thought and began to relax.

“Good night. I’ll see you in the morning,” Richard said. He looked up into her face and asked, “Are you alright, Martha?”

“Yeah, I’ve just got some thinking to do,” she said.

“Okay, good night again,” he said and walked away.

Relief and happiness nearly closed Martha’s eyes as she watched him walk away. “This feels like a fairy tale,” she thought.

Suddenly her eyes popped wide open. She recognized the sofas, tables, and chairs of the Marriott Aupaka Terrace around her.

Mtwo: “How did we get here?”

Martha: “I don’t know – I guess we walked, but I don’t remember.”

Mtwo: “Another memory lapse – Remember what the shrink said.”

Martha: “He said they would gradually go away – It’s not that bad.”

Mtwo: “Not that bad? – You don’t remember leaving the restaurant – Who knows what else you don’t remember? – Maybe you kissed him – Maybe more – You’d better check to see if you still have your panties on.”

Martha: “Shut up, Mtwo – Richard’s not like that – Now, I have to get back to the room and make a decision.”

Mtwo: “You’re right about that – You have to decide how to tell him no.”

Martha: “I don’t know that I’m going to tell him no.”

Mtwo: “You had better know – What would Bill think? – If you know what’s good for you, you will tell him no.”

Martha: “Are you threatening me, Mtwo?”

Mtwo: “I’m just reminding you of Bill’s memory – Shame on you – How can you even consider this? – Remember Bill – You owe it to Bill, you harlot.”

“Shut up, Mtwo – Just shut the hell up,” Martha said aloud. Tears welled up in her eyes and she ran to her room.

The next morning Richard was waiting for her on one of the gazebos attached to Aupaka Terrace. He smiled when he saw her but it faded to a questioning look as she grew near.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked.

“I didn’t sleep at all,” Martha answered.

“I’m sorry. Did you think about New Orleans?”

“I though about it all night.”

“And?”

Mtwo: “There is no easy way to do this – Just say no and get it over with.”

“Yes, I’d like to go with you,” Martha said.

Mtwo: “What?”

Richard wrapped his arms around her and whispered, “I’m so glad. We’ll have a wonderful time.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Martha whispered back.

Mtwo: “No you are not. You don’t have anything to look forward to. Bill’s not here anymore.”

Richard loosened his arms enough to kiss her on the forehead and whispered, “I’m late and really need to run. I’ll call you when I get checked-in.”

“I’ll be waiting,” Martha whispered back.

Richard trotted across the terrace toward the lobby. He stopped at the hallway and waved to her – then he was gone.

Martha used the wide rail for support, her knees wobbled. She looked out into the bay, the morning sun highlighted eight men paddling an outrigger canoe; she smiled. “I haven’t been this happy in years,” she thought.

Mtwo: “You’re not happy – you’re crazy – admit it, you’re one test away from being certified – You Jezebel – I’ll make you miserable – Think about Bill – Bill – Bill …”

With all of her mental energy, Martha slammed a door deep in her psyche and locked it. She visualized throwing the key into the pool.

Martha: “Good-bye, Mtwo.”

###